A love letter from a mother to her daughter.
the present moment
My words fail me every time. I wish I had someone or something to extract the very true and deep feelings I have about being entrusted to be your mom! Consider this blog post a public love letter to you as I recount the precious moments since your birth till now, ten years later.
realization…
The saying of “time flies” might be so cheesy to some and redundant to others but at the end of the day, it really does fly!!! And to fly is faster than walking … time does not wait nor does it come back for anyone, time however is a precious gift that is freely given to everyone but only if you are fully present and aware does anyone get to enjoy it and capture bit and pieces from what it brings you. These are called: memories.
If you unwrap it and it brings you so much happiness and other things you can’t put into words, you’ve unlocked something truly special but if you unwrap it and all you can feel is just “another day…” you haven’t been paying attention to how fast it really can fly in front of your eyes! It won’t ever stop for you but you can be aware of time by what you realize you’ve done with it in the past year, week, day, hours or even minutes… Our most beautiful moments are designed into memories but memories can’t de created if you don’t give time its importance. If you don’t ever stop and realize all of the wonderful things you have done in the last 3 months for example you will have a hard time appreciation how far you’ve come, how much you’ve grown. how much you have learned, how much you have loved, how much you have suffered, how many times you have gotten up again because of hard experiences, how many blessings you have given and so much more.
Time and moments create experiences and they are all for your development, even the difficult experiences. It feels so good to be happy and to have it all all the time but when those hard moments come it is in how you respond that shapes your character. Strong inside and out, heart and mind, while not being a stranger to kindness will you having beautiful memories!
the baby who made me a mom
10 years ago I gave birth to an adorable and sweet baby girl!! I tell Jordan all the time “if they had taken her away from me for some reason and then brought her back I wouldn’t have believed she was mine” You were that BEAUTIFUL! I remember every detail of that day and the days leading to your birth! First of all you were a week late and my Dr wanted me to keep waiting until I got to 42 weeks! I said “That’s not happening, we are evicting this renter asap!” I got induced at 41 weeks, Jordan took paternity leave the day we were scheduled to go to the hospital to be induced. I was supposed to go early in the morning July 24 but I got a call from the hospital saying there were no beds available. So I took an afternoon nap, they finally called later that afternoon and we go there about 6pm. Everyone was there, it was a party in that delivery room! My mom, grandma, Tia Lucy, papi and a friend of mine were all there, awaiting your arrival. You were so loved already! You were born the next day at 5:02pm weighing 9lbs 5oz – you were a monster baby! It was then when I loved differently. A love I had never felt before. I was a mom! Whaaat?? I will never forget when I first saw you, you had a red rounded face and the CUTEST double chin. You were my baby and I was your mom. The last 10 years have been amazing, thank you for choosing me as your mom! I promise to do my very best to guide you through this crazy ride we call life.
why you were named Bella
My plan was to have five sons and one daughter. I wanted to have 6 kids! (Not no more by the way! I am paying all of my crimes with you.. haha) Why did I want only boys? Because I thought that if I have a few boys I could raise men that treated women with kindness and respect. Men that didn’t abuse women! And only one daughter because I didn’t want the world to hurt her… So she would have all of her brothers to protect her and her parents as well.. I said to myself one day “just one daughter Lord, please bless me with one beautiful daughter! I know she will be beautiful too” Beautiful in Spanish is Bella so that always stuck with me. And you were named Bella in my heart years before even meeting papi. Bella, my beautiful little girl. Now 3 daughters later I am not sad one bit that I don’t have any sons… This might be heaven telling me I needed daughters instead that will know my story but never the pain that comes from the abuse I had to endure. And I am okay with that.
what you’ve taught me in the last 10 years
Just like any relationship needs work, ours also did! Bare with me as I explain. You as a baby, heavenly! You as a toddler and beyond, well, not so much! You have been such a firecracker and have made me develop patience I didn’t know I had (LOL) Motherhood doesn’t come with instructions on what to do, you have to figure this parenting out one day at a time… I have been your mami for 10 years, that’s 3,650 days! That’s a lot of days!
I made a ton of mistakes with you but I have also grown to be such a good guide because of you. I say ‘guide’ because that’s is how I view myself aside of being your mom. I am so honored, blessed and humbled you picked me to be your mother + guide on this earth. It is a duty I do not take lightly and you know that. Since your birth I have protected you physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually and I will continue to do so as the world and you change. I won’t ever make decisions for you but I will guide and show you that there’s always darkness and light.
In the past 10 years I have watched you grow and develop into being such a good human being. You have taught me to slow down and appreciate the little things, our dreams do mean something, and to love with a touch of aggressiveness. Why? because adding passion into anything you’re doing is just better and it tastes sweeter too. But, my favorite thing you’ve taught me is to do and follow what your heart is telling you, no matter how crazy or complicated it sounds!
in the next 10 years…
I hope to cheer you on with every dream and desire you have. I hope you will develop into a young lady who knows who she is and where she comes from. I hope you know your worth and I hope you don’t let anyone convince you into believing you have to fit their mold. Be you! Because only you can do you! You will do great things Bella! I am excited to see it unfold and to keep guiding you in the midst of the darkness (this world) towards the light (your life’s purpose). I love you with all of my being! In the next 10 years, I hope to have gained more wisdom as a mom + a guide as I parent and guide you. Te amo Bellita, felices 10 años.
– Mami
